a parable in a dream

And I keep having this dream
That you get swallowed by a darkness
The image appears so vividly
"Redemption," she prays, it seems so far in the distance
That's when I realize that the darkness is me...
[Standards, Boyhood Bravery]

I woke up about a week ago from a dream that involved a crime scene.  A murder scene, to be precise.  As far as I remember, the dream was mostly about trying to crack the case and figure out who the killer was.  (I haven't even been reading mysteries recently!)  Right before I woke up, I looked at my own hands and they were covered with blood.  Case solved.  All of the pieces fell into place.

(photo by Matt Popovich)
It was creepy, as far as dreams go, and also sobering, especially since the victim was someone who I really do not like all that much in real life.  I wouldn't have said "hate," but I'd be lying to say that I loved them.

I think that my subconscious has done a better job of grasping and absorbing the Sermon on the Mount than my heart has.  (See Matthew 5:21-26 , summarized in 1 John 3:15: "Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer.")  The natural inclination of my heart is not towards kindness.  It's toward snarky, sarcastic comebacks and teasing at the expense of others and feeling justified in not liking (let alone loving) some people.

That dream wasn't fun.  But it was a powerful, potent reminder of the reality that underlies my attitude when I try to justify not loving the people around me.

So far this year has been one of surprising convictions, of God working in my heart in ways that are often uncomfortable.  Suffice it to say that I'm learning a lot about apologies and repentance.  It is humbling.  And it is so good, because it's a reminder that He is faithful, and He knows me, and He loves me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Waiting in the Rain (and Loving the Weather)

Image
Photo by Hannah Domsic on Unsplash I'm not a very serious gardener as of yet, but moving into an actual house this past spring opened up some possibilities for me to invest a little more in dreaming about growing things and cultivating our outdoor space as we do with the indoor.  Between wedding gifts and a church full of avid and generous gardeners, we soon found ourselves well equipped with a variety of containers, happily started plants, and abundant advice.  I set up a row of containers along one side of our yard and we got to enjoy some cucumbers, a few cherry tomatoes, quite a few peppers, and fresh herbs in everything .   My dreams for next year involved rototilling up one side of the yard (conveniently partitioned off by the sidewalk.) We broke down cardboard boxes for a month or two and now have that space pretty well covered with a layer of cardboard weighted down with a motley assortment of heavy junk -- pots, Adirondack chairs, an old shelf that's destined for the
Read more

Not in Vain

Image
Recently I've been listening a lot to Your Labor is Not in Vain (lyrics here ) , and yesterday I realized that I love this song not only for the reminder that it is to me, but because it makes me think of friends, dear brothers and sisters all over the world, and how faithfully they labor, and what a joy it is to be co-laborers. As many of us celebrate Thanksgiving this week, I hope that you all know how much I'm encouraged by the work that you do.  I see a fraction of what makes up your lives -- teaching, parenting, dealing with medical needs, listening to the people around you, fighting for justice for those who can't speak for themselves, making art, making meals, writing books, being willing to travel across the world, being willing to stay in the same hard place. I need to be reminded frequently that the work here is not in vain, that my students are learning how to be better thinkers and growing in their confidence to communicate in English, that conversati
Read more

When Evening is Overwhelming

Image
I was angry the other night. Enraged.  Furious.  Indignant.  Infuriated. I felt that there were not synonyms enough in the English language to express the depths of my emotion.  The world is sometimes so desperately broken and evil blows itself up so large, casting such large and far-reaching shadows that words fall short. There are no curses I know strong enough for such evil , I thought. Except one. Resurrection . In the face of the most ravaging evil that tightens around the world, that creates fissures in cultures, that breaks the hearts of my students, there is hope. He's risen. That truth is what kicks evil in the teeth, the earthquake that will destroy the whole kingdom of darkness.  For now, we wait and work, living in age of aftershocks, knowing that light is coming, that full morning will dawn and push out the darkness forever. ~~~ ["When Evening is Overwhelming" taken from a song by Zach Winters .]
Read more