Showing posts from December, 2010

Much Afraid and Perfect Love

My friend JJ and I had a really good discussion the other day. We talked about things that go on but that we can't see, how the Bible is very elusive in its hints about spiritual warfare, and how, while this can be exasperating, is also gracious. How we have to trust instead of having tangible facts , and how trust is really all we have anyway. How hard of a grace that is to live in. We talked about age, how it seems that one grows older with experience, younger with love. We talked about the odd connection that some people have -- she called it being on the network -- the connection where they hear other people's heart-cries. About how maybe, if you hear those cries, you could walk away rather than give yourself in responding, but you have to lie to yourself ever after. Walking away is not a good way to live. People call that heartless , said JJ. But they call it insanity to stay , I said. To stay when it hurts, to to remain in the fire by choice, can look like insa

Nightfall and Vows

Here's what caught me tonight reading Fellowship of the Ring : "On [the Ring-bearer] alone is any charge laid... the others go with him as free companions to help him on his way. You may tarry, or come back, or turn aside into other paths, as chance allows. The further you go, the less easy will it be to withdraw; yet no oath or bond is laid on you to go further than you will. For you do not yet know the strength of your hearts, and you cannot foresee what each may meet upon the road." "Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens," said Gimli. "Maybe," said Elrond, "but let him not vow to walk in the dark, who has not seen the nightfall." "Yet sworn word may strengthen quaking heart," said Gimli. "Or break it," said Elrond. "Look not too far ahead! But go now with good hearts!" Oaths do make and break hearts. They bind, and sometimes the binding is what breaks us most deeply. But we cannot li

Crazy Plans

"There remain two more to be found," said Elrond. "These I will consider. Of my household I may find some that it seems good to me to send." "But that will leave no place for us!" cried Pippin in dismay. "We don't want to be left behind. We want to go with Frodo." "That is because you do not understand and cannot imagine what lies ahead," said Elrond. "Neither does Frodo," said Gandalf, unexpectedly supporting Pippin. "Nor do any of us see clearly. It is true that if these hobbits understood the danger, they would not dare to go. But they would still wish to go, or wish that they dared, and be shamed and unhappy. I think, Elrond, that in this matter it would be well to trust rather to their friendship than to great wisdom." I was reading this part, with the choosing of the Fellowship, to my youngest brother tonight, and thinking about how amazingly true Gandalf's words -- and Elrond's as well -- a

Letter to a Friend

No, your words don't surprise me. I knew as soon as I began reading that you were writing out your soul, that you were reflecting how you see yourself. And I was impressed, not only with the story you were weaving, but with the perception that it took to see yourself accurately enough to portray yourself as a killer, and with the honesty you showed in sharing the story. It doesn't surprise me because I know what is in a man. I read the words and I recite them back to myself, in my living room, perched on a rock in the middle of campus, confessing that I cannot live up to God's law, that I have a natural tendency to hate God and my neighbor that the fall has so poisoned our nature that we are born sinners --- corrupt from conception on. that we [are] so corrupt that we are totally unable to do any good and inclined toward all evil. It helps to grow up catechized with those words. Then at least I couldn't say No one warned me , not the night when I heard confessions of

Why I Need Advent

Yesterday one of my wonderful roommates sent me a link to the blog Six Year Med , and I've been reading the back articles. I like finding out what makes people tick, and Danielle is an excellent writer. Tonight I found this post, Evidence of Things Unseen . It was a good reminder. Sometimes we run from responsibility that we should have shouldered. But sometimes we carry it too long, carry what never should have been ours originally. Jars of Clay : All of those nights Spend alone in the darkness of your mind Give it up Let it go These are things you were never meant to shoulder... Conversation with a sobbing friend: "This was never your choice to make. You have been faithful much..." "I should be the one paying the prices." Because we're prideful and we want to carry the world on our shoulders and be the savior. I know, because that's me. The good thing is, I'm not the world's savior. He is. It's good to be reminded from time to time t

The King Who Did Not Forget

Before the creation of the world, they had made a covenant, binding themselves in a relationship without end. There would be the creation, the bringing-everything-to-be. And beyond that lay the darkness of the image-bearers who would blind themselves by looking too long at the light as they tried to overthrow it. The agreement was that he would redeem the rebels, this covenant made even before they were created. He entered into this willingly, despite the dreadful cost, pledging his very life to save those who were born to be his subjects but were self-determined to be his enemies. The morning stars sang together and the sons of God shouted for joy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Ready?" The children, wrapped in their blankets, huddled by the fireplace, nodded. The story began with Once upon a time , as many good stories do, this story of the fulfillment of the covenant. He was born into a land of the planet hostile to him, as had been agreed. He had to grow up humbly, with none of


As I walked back from the dining hall today, I heard a voice singing quite loudly. It made me smile, this guy coming out of the freshman dorm singing, and so I began thinking of how many amazingly good things have happened in the last few days. So I thought that I'd make a list of some of these things that I'm thankful for... Dinner with Katie E and her parents on Thursday night and studying for our bio test in her room... it was very fun and relaxing, as well as productive study time. The immune system . I really enjoy studying it. I knew there was a reason I was taking more bio. Dinner with C-1 on Friday night and listening to how ridiculous we were all being. Finals are definitely approaching... Story writing and discussion with a roommate on Friday night... Filmfest on Friday night... and getting dressed up... and seeing a lot of campus looking classy. And, of course, getting to see a bunch of amazing films put together by the people I get to go to school with. This