I was talking with some teammates the other day about growing up.It’s been far more difficult — and far better — than I expected.As a child, I assumed that maturity was a threshold of sorts, and then I was somewhat disappointed and confounded as I got older to discover that it’s a slow (and often painful) process — not a magical transformation.Andrew Peterson hit the nail on the head: After all these years,I would’ve thought that all my fears were laid to restBut I still get scaredAnd I thought that all my struggles would be victories by nowBut I confessThat the mess is there.(After All These Years) I found that adults often don’t feel particular competent and that nearly everyone has days when they want to crawl into a blanket fort and let the real adults deal with the problems of the world. Yet… although I certainly share in a nostalgic longing to return to the naïveté of childhood at times, I find myself increasingly grateful that I get to keep changing and growing.Being an adult soun…
For the first time in a (very) long time, my heart suddenly feels quiet.
I'm not sure of why exactly.
Maybe having finally finished the last requirement for Wheaton and, for the first time in almost three years, not having a nagging (or screaming!) feeling in the back of my mind reminding me that I should be doing some reading or writing a response or researching something or preparing for a class.
Maybe, having lived in Sichuan for two and a half years, the incredibly (and I do mean that in the most literal possible sense) slow pace of walking has finally sunk into my body. Although I still find myself setting out from my apartment at a briskly purposeful American stride, more and more often I find that it slows to a stroll by the time I'm halfway across campus, even if I'm not hanging out with students. And I notice the irises growing everywhere, the strange patterns of ripples on the surface of the small lake on campus as ducks chase each other across the water.
It's been a little while. My mind has been busy and the rest of my life has been too. And now, suddenly, it's the very end of September and I have most of my work schedule for Sheetz and I've been back in the US for three months -- when did that happen?
(As Imagine Dragons sings, All my life, I've been living in the fast lane Can't slow down, I'm a rolling freight train... I am the color of boom.
I'd say that I like my life to have plenty of margin, but the choices that I make (consistently) seem to indicate that I enjoy having it pretty full, so...)
At the same time, most days it feels like I've been here way longer than three months. I've moved into my apartment, become friends with the stellar roommate who God so generously provided, started working with the Village Church, gone through confirmation classes, been working at Sheetz for over a month, traveled to Indiana and New York to see friends, started working on a class with t…