Pride in prayer

So she prayed, Lord, give me patience.  She knew that was not an honest prayer, and she did not linger over it.  The right prayer would have been, Lord, my brother treats me like a hostile stranger, my father seems to have put me aside, I feel I have no place here in what I thought would be my refuge, I am miserable and bitter at heart, and old fears are rising up in me so that everything I do makes everything worse.  But it cost her tears to think her situation might actually be that desolate, so she prayed again for patience, for tact, for understanding -- for every virtue that might keep her safe from conflicts that would be sure to leave her wounded, every virtue that might at least help her preserve an appearance of dignity, for heaven's sake.
from Home, by Marilynne Robinson

I read this and thought, yes, I do this too.  Pray for things that will allow me to keep my pride intact rather than being honest with God.


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